


Love, Lost

by return0



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Everyone is Dead, F/F, I Don't Even Know, POV Sameen Shaw, Please Kill Me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 09:09:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8973601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/return0/pseuds/return0
Summary: I know a place where I can goWhen I'm low downTo your house, down to your houseI will go when I'm lowI know a face who I can showMy true colorsTo your arms, into your armsI will go when I'm low[total life forever - foals]
  when you're at a bad place who do you turn to? shaw finds out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time writing. Ever. And English isn't my first language so sorry in advance for the errors I am about to make. This is a short one. Hope you enjoy though.

** CONTROL **

Shaw's mind is a blur by the time she opened her eyes. She has no full recollection of what she had dreamed about, only blurs are the remainder of what she experienced but she already has an idea. It's not a what rather a who and there's currently only one person who can awaken such feelings from her; longing, guilt, affection, regret. If not that, the familiar feeling of something rotting in her chest gives it away, nothing and no one had matter this much before that it follows her even in her sleep. It was a weird and very fucked-up dream. She doesn't dare call it a nightmare. She refuses to call it something as silly and childish as that. Nightmares are for children who can't sleep because of the monsters in their closet not for people like her who has ghosts in their pasts and strangely, already in their present. "Root", she whispers her name without any thought of it, like it's the most common thing in the world. Then there's worry and concern rising from her. She immediately grabbed her phone above the table infront of her and almost called Root but decided against it. "This is stupid." She thought before setting it down. In that dream, based on what she remembers; blurs of her running, shouting, anger; she had never been that angry before, and blood flowing from Her lying on the ground. She shakes her head firmly, as if that would erase the image in her mind. She wonders for a second what would Root would think if she ever finds out Shaw had been dreaming about her. "Well, I bet you'd be ecstatic babe but it's not the kind you wanted. Neither did I." She whispers, imagining the look on Root's face, automatically a small smile appears on her face but as quick as it came it was gone. Shaw reached out for her phone to check the time, it reads _4:17 A.M._ , she let out a groan. It's early but not too early for Shaw, she's used to this system. And she did not wanna try to go back to sleep, afraid that the dream would be having a repeat or she won't get any sleep again at all and a long time of staring off into the dark, a long time to dwell on her mind, on _Her_ , and of what this means would just leave her more restless than ever. If she's gonna feel drained then she might as well be the one responsible from it, let it be her choice.

She gets up and goes to the bathroom. After washing her face and brushing her teeth, Shaw then changes into running gear, topping one of her black tank-tops with a sports jacket, Root's jacket that she left the last time she was here, it's windy this month after all it'd be a shame if she caught a cold and it's not like she just wants to wear something of hers, and a tight dark blue running pants. And she run.

** LOSING CONTROL **

Shaw has no plan at all. She just knows she needed and wanted this, a physical outlet. Normally she would have just hit the bag but this time she needs something more, something different. The farther she run, the more irritated she becomes. What the hell is happening to her. She can't totally black out the remains of her dream from flashing in her mind. After a few more minutes of composing herself, her feet start working again.

"This isn't me." Shaw thinks to herself before letting her mind wander off. She let her feet do all the work. Shaw had tried, numerous times, to let Root go, to just forget about her but when Shaw realizes where she is, she knows there's no escaping it.

** ALL IN **

She's in front of Root's place. This is where Root is currently holed up, she just transferred in a few days ago and another few more before she finds another one move in to. She doesn't know why she's here or maybe she does and is just in denial from it. If it's the doing of her sub-conscious or just plain her but still she isn't sure what to do with the fact that she is in front of Root's apartment at 5 in the morning. There should be a logical reason for that but she can't think of one. Or maybe she should just stop thinking and just let everything happen, because maybe this is really what she wanted all along.

"Shaw?" A dark figure suddenly appears from the dark. Root. 

_That voice. Thank God, she's here, she's safe. It's just a stupid dream._

** SOMEONE, NOT JUST ANYONE **

"Uh," Fuck, she didn't hear a word Root said.

Shaw never got to finish her sentece because Root suddenly inches toward her and pulls her inside. "Don't mind that. You don't have to answer that. Just come inside." Root says as she drags Shaw. Her glee is evident and she didn't even try to hide it. No use. Root has always been open with Shaw and Shaw appreciates that.  
There she is. Standing in front of Root's apartment. And she suddenly feels out of place, and don't know what to with herself. 

"Sorry, but-" She says while pulling away herself from Root. 

"Don't be sorry. You know you could always come here whenever you like." Root said, walking slowly to her, her voice soft. She grabbed both Shaw's shoulders and look her straight in her eyes. "Don't forget that, okay?" Root's touch steadied Shaw and Shaw eased into it. All Shaw can do is nod, she feels powerless around Root. A different kind of power though. Root just has this effect on her. And she hated it, at first, now not as much.

Root grabs Shaw hand and guides her into the sofa. "Sit. You have something to tell me?" She says after patting down into the space beside where she had seated.  
"No. Not really. I just needed to check something with you and the machine." 

"Oh but she sai-"

"Nevermindmindifiusethekitchen?" Shaw is sure she had never spoken that fast before but she needed to get away from Root. This isn't working.

"You know your way, and it's not like you ever need to ask." Root answers but there's a different tone to it.

Shaw doesn't really need to use the kitchen, she just needed to get away from Root for a few minutes. There's a voice inside her. It's faint but she can hear it, piercing through every fabric of her entire being. A quiet scream of sadness and emptiness, begging to be noticed, to be heard. Like a mute desperately trying to get someone, anyone to listen to her. All she can think about is the woman in the other room. How it felt like when she saw her, when she touched her and dragged her inside, how she looked at Shaw with such tenderness. Shaw's soul is bared to her and she feels herself falling in. And she let it happen.

** IRIS **

Initiating physical contact isn't really easy for Shaw, especially with Root, she's still guarded at times around her, but right now, she's tired of trying to hide her desperateness to touch, to reach out. Shaw stands up, ready to seek for Root, but is surprised to see her already silhouetted in the doorway, she paused for a moment to stare at the figure.

Shaw feels herself soften and the voice that come out of her isn't like the Sameen everyone knows. "Root-" She whispers gently and softly. Root is already watching her and caught the movement of her lips. Otherwise, Shaw's voice was so low that in other instances other's would've not noticed it. She clears her throat, wanting to make herself sound more sure and solid.

"You asked earlier why I came here," Shaw tells Root finally coming closer. "I just needed to see you."

"I think I kind of figured that one out myself," Root answers. "But could you please say it again?"

Shaw just stands there, in front of her, in Root's kitchen with this intense look in her eyes that would've made an iceberg melt. Beautiful. She can't think of anything else. Root's so ethereal, she can't even believe how something beautiful could actually be here. Shaw wants nothing more than to-

"I need-" Shaw can't find the right words. She need everything Root can offer and she wants it. She wants to touch her, to kiss her everywhere, to feel her, to take her in. She swallowed hard and dared herself to look at Root. And realizes the other woman had been staring at her too. Shaw wonders for a moment if Root also have been waiting for this moment. If she already know this is what will happen the moment she opened the door. Shaw focuses on the entirety of the woman in front of her

After a few heartbeats later, Shaw pulled Root towards her or Root did, or is it both? Shaw's not sure anymore. All she can think of is her mouth coming down over Root. There was a groan but she isn't sure whose it is, could be hers, could be root's, but it no longer mattered cause in this moment they're one. She kissed her harder and harder, this is who they are. If others dip their feet first, testing the waters, before diving in, they just jump with clothes on. The closed they are the closer she needed Root to be. _"It'll never be enough, this'll never be enough"_ Shaw thought desperately. Her hands finds their way to the ends of Root's hair and tugged it gently. She gives Root's lower lip a bite before breaking the kiss.

Shaw closes her eyes briefly and then the truth finally comes. "- _you._ I need you." 

Root's response took Shaw's breath away as her back hit the wall with a slam as Root pushed herself into her, pining Shaw between her body and the wall before kissing her again. Her lips were so soft, her mouth hot and wet. It was a battle of teeth and tongues and Shaw had never felt so alive. Root finally guides her into the bedroom, not breaking the kiss.

No words were spoken after that. Moans and the sound of ragged breathing filled the space that was between them.

** AFTER I **

She completely lost control of herself. Root just have that effect on her. She slowly trails her fingers around Root, she can never get enough. She's just captivating. Root's breathing changed and Shaw jerks her hand away, feeling a little embarrassed about it. Root just chuckled and asked with a rough voice, "Hmm, why'd you stop?"

"What?" Shaw tries to act innocent but fails.

"Come on, Shaw,"

"Oh, just stop, please." Shaw turns her back on Root but Root just took the opportunity to switch their original places. 

"You're lucky I love you beca-" Root says as she hugs Shaw from behind.

Root hasn't even finished her sentence when Shaw does something for the first time, something she actually thought she's no longer capable of. She cries. She doesn't know where it came from. Maybe it's hearing those words. It feels like the tears have their own mind and she can't stop them. She let it out. No longer caring about what is happening to her, what Root will think; she won't judge anyway. Shaw knows that. She feels safe here. She is safe here. She feels home, if there's such a thing, it is with Root, it is Root. Root just holds Shaw and whispers words of love to her. Never questioning.

Shaw faces her and tightly wrap her arms around around Root, burying herself in her neck. She never wanted to let go, so she never did. She's going to protect her, Shaw thinks, from everything, everyone. That's what she's good at and damn it if she can't do that for the woman who she loves. Love. The word isn't a foreign concept to her, just something she tries hard to avoid and something that doesn't easily come to people like her but Shaw doesn't wanna lose this. _Her._ She never wanna lose Root.

** AFTER YOU **

Shaw woke up with tears in her eyes. She reached out immediately to the space beside her and find something round and cold. An empty bottle.

_No._  
No.  
No.  
No.  
No. 

_God, please no._

She felt empty except for that ball of raging emotion contained on her lungs. 

She finds it hard to breathe but air is not the problem. 

She wanna hurt someone. She needs to hurt someone, but the only person she can hurt right now is herself.

She threw the bottle to the wall. 

Her phone lit up, she picked it; it was a text:

_time passes by so fast, i can't believe it's already been a year. i know you still misses her, strangely i do too. i'll be visiting the graves today, also because they need to be cleaned. it's been too long. take care, shaw. hope to finally hear from you soon.  
fusco._


End file.
